just bloggin

been hoopin and readin. school and job looks primo. paradise and heaven even more so. who knows...maybe i'll be the next "professor" of the and1 basketball clan.

the question is not whether global warming is an issue or not. the question is whether you care about the weather around you. the storms or anything like that. if it's sunny where you reside and paradise is intact, then what worries have you? but if grey skies and unpredictable cloud formations alter your ability to perceive the world in which would be ideal to perceive it, then something's gotta change. yet, change is dangerous. change in one aspect is merely a change in another. one of my mother's favorite comic strips is, "for better or for worse." how are we supposed to know what we are benefitting and what we are causing damage to? surely we are not on a crash course to destruction. surely, there is retribution in the way we have been made.

i have been told i will be exiled. i am unsure if this is an empty threat or a magnificent prophecy. i refuse to sacrifice my liberties, freedoms, and securities for ideals that i cannot submit to. i realize the faultiness of my speech. i pray for the carefulness of my words yet the hope of my very existence falters. i know the good, i see it, i draw near to it yet the realities of evil pervade us time and again. nietszche wrote an essay on how he was beyond good and evil. how can this be for a man who died of insanity and greatly influenced hitler.

god is here, purity of heart brings him near. some people can draw very magnificent and realist accounts of his essence but i can only find him in the formations of the light. he is good and is all that he says he is but...the void. prayers have been said to let the christ enter my everything yet the void remains. it's that unquenchable feeling that is almost evolutionary. that feeling that says, you must continue, we must thrive, there is a greater existence up ahead. yet the old ways and the new ways continue to mesh and coalesce in ways of unprecedence.

i have learned that i cannot speak for the world unless i am outside of it. seeing as there is ground beneath my feet, i can only pose as an outpost in the hills of kentucky. there have been travels but this is of insignificance. what goes on over here has little to do with what happens in afghanistan. imagine our troops who train on american soil and eat american food, only to fight on afghani land and eat afghani food against experienced afghani combatants. the art of war has me captivated. seeing i am a man of lusts, this is of small consequence. i pray for a lustless life, yet how is anyone to live for long without the smallest of joys?

i run, and this helps but my father says i must get a job. i need a job. more precisely i just want bills and debts to be let go of. i want to go back to the university, but i have not the way to do so. so depressing it is to have the hope but not the strength to deal with the adversity. so depressing to know the cycle, the climb, and the perseverance needed in order to defeat the obstacles in the way of the hope and the true joy, the new found elixir, only to run into bitterness and faded glory. we must pant and sweat and hubbub in order to make a living. if we refuse this call then we die and even in death there is the want of more life. yet in life we have the garden and once the garden has been mastered there is the need for a woman and once the woman has been defiled we must do other things in order to please our surroundings. people with the same problems seem to get in the way of our attaining paradise again and we blame it on money. money this and money that. i wish i had more money. a very handy tool for creating isolation yet very tortuous when in desperation. a lot of the key to this stuff lies in creating our own joy. because if we don't make it then no one else will. joseph campbell's celebrated, "follow your bliss" is excellent and combats most things. goethe's "anything you can do, or think you can do, begin it. boldness has genius, magic, and power in it," is enormously worthy of our attention and thomas merton's prayer at the abbey of gethsemani provide strength through even the most toilsome of times. though i hate this prayer in some respects, i do love it. there is a resonance about it that has me repeating, "and the desire to please....does in fact please...and if i do this you will lead me by the right road though i may seem to be lost and in the shadow." peculiar man this merton. profound in the least.

join us saturday at the park for a run. see you there.

job search is lookin glum. need to start making more money than i spend. whatever keep the people happy and keep the criticizers criticizin. need some reassurance. need some love. need some mortification. probably need some ecstacy or something. feel very restricted in my home atmosphere. exile is appealing. job market is a bitch. non-profit literature is strange. i play basketball but for what? no practice, nor discipline, no coach, no teammates, nothin to stay on target. the target continually shifts. changes. can be a woman, a company, a whole lot of money, a trip to outer space, prestige, wealth, etc. this is how it is.

day 2

change is among us. fluctuations in lifestyles and living arrangements. i can feel it in my soul. politics is a must thing to do. good people are everywhere if ya just look hard enough. triumph over evil is a must. life must continue and grow and be cherished. torrential flooding and damaging storms i've had my share. time to bunker down and get disciplined, no matter the cost. the future may be bleak and man may have had his fall, but there will come a day and a time and a place. these things will be won over.

the hills

so far, the hills have provided both futility and immortality. death is of little concern because there is little expected of life. life is of little concern because death is liberating. yet when we encounter these facets of our lives head-on, we seem to become a little squeamish. for many, it's either all life or all death. for others, it's a little of both, hoping to balance out both existences. yet there is a realm outside both of these places and i have yet to venture into it. it involves gods of india and hinduism but it fascinates me to a large extent. perhaps i will travel to india one day and meet one of these many armed gods or demons. yes, i know the first commandment but sometimes the breaking of these commandments and the investigation of why these things are allowed and why these things occur are of high importance. i now realize that writers were damned enemies of Christ but i also realize that no one is forever damned and that friends can easily be rendered as enemies, heroes as villains, God as Devil and so on. I can feel the fat melting off of the childhood sponging of ideas that I absorbed as a child. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

Anywho, this is yet another start to another blog and i hope that this one carries out a better job than the last one. i need the adventure and the excitement. the garden is always made tortuous.

j. alfred blagoyevich

is a character i named in one of my stories. i hope he does well and travels far. he's like an imaginary friend and well, that's the jist of it.

enjoy

reminds me of papaw and what he would have done to a bear if he were to have killed one as a young one.